Sunday, September 30, 2007

Don't be too Hard on Yourself!

The Transgender Companion, A Practical, Step by Step Guide and Companion for your Transition,

I have a little bit of a weakness for being overly critical of myself, as I have said in the past. If I make a mistake, I think, "I am so stupid. I don't know what I'm doing". I even say worse. Ugh. But I'm not that way with other people.

I think a lot of people are very self critical. It's a result of our parenting, religious upbringing, schooling. As a child, our parents correct us a lot. That is partly their job, but over time I think it teaches us that we shoudlnt' make mistakes. That we should do things perfectly (and I know I've said it many times, but it is worth repeating - who defines what "perfect" is anyway?). In schooling, we get graded on perfection. Perhaps ridiculed if we do something wrong in front of the class. The church oftentimes teaches this idealized perfection and teaches usa lot of self judgement. It's all really very psychologically damaging when you think about it! No wonder we all are so hard on ourselves!

I think too we're kind of conditioned to feel it's noble or "good" to be hard on ourselves. It can be a defense mechanism at times too, to protect us from others criticizing us (if we criticize ourselves first).

Well, I think we all need to learn to be a bit easier on ourselves. We're not meant to be perfect. However we are is just perfect. We learn through mistakes. Mistakes are kind of a fallacy. They are just steps in life. Maybe we don't get the results we wanted, but that's ok.

I think the key is to notice the "wrong result" and make an adjustment, but not judge yourself or beat up on yourself. Kind of like if you're driving and you run a bit on the shoulder, you just adjust the steering wheel and get back on the road. You don't yell at yourself and tell yourself what a big dummy you are! You just adjust what you're doing and dont' think a thing of it.
It's also important to remember there are always many "right" ways to do things. Not just "one perfect way".

As you're going through your transition, you might feel tempted to beat yourself up at times for not looking as good as you'd like or not telling somebody in the "best way" or messing up a relationship (which you didn't do I'm sure - it just means it wasn't meant to be), etc. Be easy on yourself. You're just fine as you are, whatever you are doing.

Everybody does the best that they can do at that time in their lives.
You're doing just fine!

For more practical advice and step by step guidance on transitioning, go to and order “The Transgender Companion” today! FREE excerpt included on the web site.

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