Today I received an email from a friend telling me of a suicide of one of the woman in the support group she belongs too. It made me feel very sad. I know that there are many transgendered people that do have suicidal feelings at times. It is hard to be so different. To feel so uncomfortable in your own skin. To feel scared of losing your family and friends. Of being made fun of. Of sinning perhaps. Etc. The worst thing is, most transgendered people suffer alone. There is nobody to talk to. Many of us live with this for years. Nobody knows what is happening inside of us. It can be a lonely life for sure.
I want to maybe share some insights that might help you if you are feeling this way.
First off, just remember, you did not pick feeling the way you feel. Whether that is a man who likes to crossdress, a gay feminine male, or a full-fledged transsexual female who feels trapped in a man’s body and wants to transition. Or whatever else you may feel or be. You just “are”. Ok? You didn’t DO anything. You are not a “bad” person for just “being”.
Second, we cannot control everybody’s reactions. If people have a problem with you, you know what. It really isn’t your issue. It is theirs. I don’t mean that in a mean or unsympathetic way. It is just that if they react badly to you, it is really about their own priorities or wishes for you or issues in general that they have. But they do not have to actually LIVE your life. YOU DO. And you have the right to do that. In fact, you should.
Also just remember that people’s initial reactions are not always their ultimate reactions. People rejected me at first, and then came around to be very supportive. They just needed to understand me better. So just keep that in mind.
Also if people are mean to you or reject you, well then they are not very empowering people to you. You do not need them in your life then. You deserve to have accepting, loving people. These people have the right to their reactions, but you have the right to love yourself enough to remove yourself from their presence and find supportive people.
Third, we really are all made so unique and special. T he sad thing is, the world doesn’t get to see or experience the real “us” so many times because we suppress things. Think if Mozart hadn’t expressed his musical talent because his parents wanted him to be a farmer. What a loss to the world! What Think if Abraham Lincoln had become a banker instead of pursuing politics because that was easier. What if Oprah had decided that it was easier to be poor than break free and become one of the most influential women in America? How would the world be different?
The thing is, so many of us (ts or not), repress our true selves and desires. And I think that is a loss to the world. You are somebody VERY special, just because you are who you are. Don’t deny the world that! You just being yourself might give somebody else courage to be themselves. You might open up some minds just by being you.
You deserve to live your life. You are not doing this to hurt anybody. If people reject you, there will be multiple others who will support you, for everyone who rejects you. Believe that and it is true.
Just remember, there is always somebody to talk to. If you are feeling suicidal, CALL SOMEBODY. Please! You deserve to live. You are so special. Call a suicide hotline. Call your therapist if you have one. Call a sympathetic friend. Call a TG support group. “Laura’s Playground” is a web site with a chat room and support for TG suicidal people, along with many TG resources. Go to http://lauras-playground.com/ to learn more and get support that way if you need it.
If nothing else, just wait a day. Things can seem so bad, and if you wait a day or a month or a year, the problem can change and seem totally resolved or “not so bad”. Give yourself that time delay. Things can get better.
Perhaps you haven’t started doing anything yet (dressing, transitioning, exploring your sexual feelings, whatever it may be). Or perhaps you have. Just love yourself for who you are and what you are feeling. Allow yourself to explore it. If you just take a baby step, and then another, you will probably find it is not so scary after all, and in fact you may start to feel braver and more empowered!
I would also like to say, that a transition (whatever that is for you) can be a very FUN and ENJOYABLE process. It is not all heartache, unless you think it has to be that way. You get to be you. You get to do things you've always wanted to. Don't forget that! Focus on the positives, the fun stuff, the end goal, self acceptance, loving yourself, and finding great supportive friends (there are thousands and thousands out there!). Think of the FUN and the JOY of being you more than you do the troubles and the troubles will melt away or seem not so bad anymore. TRUST ME, this works!
Remember, you are a SPECIAL PERSON. You are a special gift to the world as you are. Don’t take that away from the world! YOU ARE GREAT!
Your TS sister,
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
For help in finding yourself and learning how you can feel better about yourself and be the woman you want to be in a positive, healthy and happy way, buy "The Transgender Companion", available at http://www.tgcompanion.com/