Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Protecting your Inner Dreams

The Transgender Companion, THE MUST HAVE guide for all TG women, from CD to TS,

Over the years, especially the last few years, I have learned to be much more private with people I know – family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances. I do not like to tell them much about myself or my private life or what I am doing (e.g., marketing my first book). Now, I used to be very open and basically a big “blabber mouth”. If people asked me a private question, I would answer them, even if I thought it was none of their business. I really didn’t know how to set boundaries and simply not answer a question or answer it vaguely, because I felt “guilty” for some reason.

I also tended to tell people things about myself even when they didn’t ask. We all like to talk about ourselves to some extent. I am no exception! For example, when I started a new business project, I would excitedly tell people and get all their negative feedback. And no matter how positive I felt, it still affected me. It planted the SEED OF DOUBT. And I do feel that really hindered me in those projects. In fact, I failed at most of those projects, because I had this nagging doubt in myself or the project from then on.

So I learned to hold things to myself. The reason for this is, I have found that people are very judgemental. They have their own views, agendas, etc. They tend to want to impose those on you. What you are doing may be something they don’t like or makes them uncomfortable. What you are doing may move you away from them, and then they feel uncomfortable because they don’t’ have the courage to make a change themselves that they would like to do but are too afraid to. What you are doing may be different then what they (e.g. parents or siblings) dreamed of you doing.

As I have said before, though, YOU are the ONLY ONE who has to live your life. They do not. YOU DO. So you have to do what is right for you.

However, when you’re at a fragile state (mainly when you are doing something out of the ordinary or something you want to do but are fearful of doing since it is new or “not the norm”), you need to protect yourself. Until you build up your confidence in yourself and/or what you are doing, you really need to protect yourself. You have the right to do that. You have the right to avoid negative people or not tell them what you are doing.

If you are transgendered, this is applicable to your transition. Your transition will probably include finding yourself. Figuring out who you are and what you want to actually do. Transitioning will feel threatening to some people. It will make some people you know uncomfortable. Now, once you really know who you are and you feel good about yourself and know where you want to go, you can handle some of that. It may hurt a bit, and you may want to avoid those negative people, but it won’t shake your faith in yourself or what you are doing.

So until you get to that “assured” state, it’s ok to keep things to yourself.

Of course, we need people to talk to. Find a good therapist to talk to. Or an open support group that is supportive and does not impose their own agendas on you. Or if you have a very supportive, open friend you think you can trust, do that. Just limit who you are talking to when you are at your initial, “fragile” state.

Whoever you are and whatever you want to do is just fine. You are just fine. You were made unique for a reason and you are very special. Give yourself the time to realize that before you start to open up to people you know.

It’s ok to “hold things in” and get strong.

For more practical advice and step by step guidance on transitioning, go to and order “The Transgender Companion” today! FREE excerpt included on the web site.

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